tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86141598027512020152024-02-19T10:54:44.481-05:00Views and thoughts of a Co-WifeWelcome to a 30 y/o's written expression(s) of the trials and tribulations pertaining entering a Polygynous marriage. Questions, fears and answers(hopefully) will be listed along the way and I encourage all to be as interactive as possible.gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-83292233741286231812009-07-06T01:23:00.003-04:002009-07-06T01:37:23.059-04:00Summertime is finally hereSalaams to each and every one of you reading my overdue blog entry!<br /><br />I've had so much time to reflect, stress and give Allah(swt) thanks that my blog went without being maintained and for this I apologize.<br />After spending time offline and interacting with sisters who were solely married to their Husbands to those who have co-wives; I've enjoyed the various point of views which were candidly shared with me.<br /><br />I, no longer feel as if I have to feel as if I am valued less then my co-wife solely due to the fact that she married our husband 1st, it isn't a title, is what happened and I am so thankful that I've been able to see past a title; mind you a title that many of us sisters use to have some sort of anarchy which is such silly in my opinion.<br /><br />None the less myself and my co-wife have been talking to one another quite frequently and we've have had the opportunity to express our feelings and frustrations with one another, she nor I held anything back and it FELT SO GOOD!!<br /><br />We've both come to the realization that it is no more my role to remind her that I am his Wife via 2nd marriage then it is hers to remind of the same only via 1st marriage, it isn't to be used to hurt one another or basically won't be used as such any longer.<br /><br />I've started up a nice lil home business which has afforded me the chance to meet other sisters locally and to vent freely which has been really nice.<br /><br />It really feels as if we've been married for longer then just 7 months, time certainly flies.<br /><br />To all I wish you well, feel free to continue to post your thoughts..good and otherwise..<br /><br />May Allah(swt) guide us allgr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-24685033695628142009-01-25T21:48:00.003-05:002009-01-25T22:01:49.276-05:00STILL gr8ful!So sorry to all of my Sisters in Islam, I have been away for far too long and should have kept in touch but wasn't able to..since my vanishing act I've noticed that many fellow bloggers have also either created new accounts or have chosen to stay away from blogging and to be honest I do not blame them entirely.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Alhamdulillah</span> I have made it to 2009 not only as a muslimah but most importantly as a Mother and newly married Wife..yep thats right I have become a Wife and it feels so right!<br /><br />I had to take sometime to go offline to gather my thoughts and to strengthen my Deen.gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-5235447277456093612008-07-14T23:44:00.003-04:002008-07-15T00:04:40.905-04:00Polygyny via youtubeKindly view both footages and leave your comments<br /><br />Salaams<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/x5U6lZc0Or0&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/x5U6lZc0Or0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ktbu5jqEd5M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ktbu5jqEd5M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-73144541942269587692008-07-14T21:58:00.003-04:002008-07-14T22:50:30.969-04:00PATHS<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">We all started off down the same path</span>, during our various journeys we CHOSE to make turns which varied from others who chose before, during and/or afterwards, BUT this does not make their choice any less warranted then that of your own my Sisters.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">POLYGYNY</span> is a multi-faceted exploration through your own personal tolerance levels and emotions..quite often I've seen a Sister get the rough end of the stick and then turn and offer "red flag" warnings and encourage the Sister to flee from the intentional/current Husband because she is making a choice that the other wished she did or would never..but does this make it the right choice for the Sister receiving the information/advice???<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WE CAN NOT</span> always use polygyny as the band-aid application to cover underlining issues such as lack of respect, values/morals, communication and so forth which should have initially been tackled from early within the pre-existing marriage, this is often a marital issue and for many although they might not admit, their marriage had a weak foundation to begin with and then adding on another Wife to the equation made it even worse as the energy that should have been placed into the already existing marriage will then be placed into the newer marriage especially during the honeymoon phase.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">TAKE ME FOR EXAMPLE; </span>yes, I am to be married VERY soon Inshallah. But very often I feel as if some of the advice given is from a somewhat biased point of view, not only that which is given online but also in real life, do not get me wrong I do adore quite a few people who I met online who have been a solid source of dependable advice(you sisters know who YOU are), so of course I am NOT speaking/referring to them. This is not for everybody, but just in case you happen to come upon someone who isn't in what you might feel that should be the most ideal of polygynous marriages, do not take the time to belittle them nor try to scare them away from the idea, instead encourage and provide as much support and information as possible...we are linked via polygyny but come from very different walks of life and that should be taken into accordance when giving advice to others as customs and cultures will often vary.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pain is pain</span> no matter who is feeling it, many of us who are or have married a Man whom already is a Husband have to endure many mixed emotions for many years just like the initial wife, often times it is no different. Although it(polygyny) is something to be accepted, unfortunately we are not emotionally designed to embrace it with open arms and a open-mind. I've heard of many feeling as if they are going to be a replacement instead of the newly added wife being an addition and it makes me sad that all parties involved do not often share the same point of views(but such is life right?!). I have shed many tears on behalf of my Co-Wife, myself, her child and all of us as a unit, I think about the various ways that we can better the marriages on a whole and it worries me a lot hence me making prayer often.<br /><br />What many do not understand due to me not writing it is that if it wasn't for me speaking very firmly with my soon-to-be Hubby he would have divorced his Wife long ago, now I am not asking for a reward/biscuit, but not many Co-Wives would go to bat for their CW's prior to being married, mind you there are some..but not all. She is barely in her 20's and needs some guidance as per being a Wife, I would love to offer such..help teach her how to cook and do other duties, I've sent gifts for her and the child..I just do not speak of such often because I do not want to make it seem as if I am boasting as this is not the case.<br /><br />We can not always speak and give advice to others based off of bitter feelings and resentment, it's wrong on <span style="font-weight: bold;">SO</span> many different levels.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/archive/article.php?lang=E&id=119852">Quran</a> aside, there are no daily guidelines to adhere to when opposed with emotions and for those of us who have entered into a successful polygynous marriage.. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Alhamdulillaah</span>, but whatever percentage those represent simply does not represent the many who struggle on a daily basis, who's tears overflow onto their pillows at night, entering into a polygynous marriage isn't due to being in dire need or want and the love that comes out of it is no less then which is within a monogamous marriage, sure we are not as socially embraced..<span style="font-weight: bold;">BUT</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">WE ARE</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">HERE</span> and not going anywhere anytime soon!gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-13127317147153309942008-07-02T18:56:00.003-04:002008-07-02T19:01:50.790-04:00It's NOT going to happenSalaam,<br /><br />Yep, you read right!!! My Co-Wife does NOT want to speak with me and asked for space until she is ready if that day should ever come and with that I have decided to step down and give her the amount of space that she needs.<br /><br />I feel better within myself that I did not let down/back down until she was able to comprehend that I really required for some sort of communication to be in place between the both of us(and not sayin that future Hubby made it much easier with dragging his feet in the sand)..but at least we all made it to that bridge.<br /><br />So, as it is I've made myself available whenever that day arrives and in the meanwhile I have been able to apply myself in other areas which need my attention such as..losing weight!!!! Finish decorating my home and just basically enjoy the rest of the summer vacation with my children....and of course getting ready to become a Wife once again..gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-9200874253617133872008-07-02T18:52:00.004-04:002008-07-02T18:56:20.941-04:00Canada Day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh37rOcw794vahuD3pIv9_9KropfPgqNIVlemixC3DHVRt14SbxubfSgRsqB70rovQGLqiWoTMIbj4NLMCUCvjJfaPwa2-RXQ8AjWX5lCI8LoZylZ-wfHhQejB4PJ6eJLMrMeJLXifF15Q/s1600-h/Canada23.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh37rOcw794vahuD3pIv9_9KropfPgqNIVlemixC3DHVRt14SbxubfSgRsqB70rovQGLqiWoTMIbj4NLMCUCvjJfaPwa2-RXQ8AjWX5lCI8LoZylZ-wfHhQejB4PJ6eJLMrMeJLXifF15Q/s320/Canada23.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5218554373081513394" border="0" /></a><br />Salaam,<br /><br />This will just be a small vent but honestly I packed up all of my children and headed to one of the MANY venues who were hosting fireworks themed activities and I couldn't believe the amount of PORK/HOG food stops, I mean honestly where are all of the halal food vendors? It took me almost 1 hour just to walk through the masses just to find a place which was vegan in order to order a lovely and filling(note the sarcasm) order of roasted corn(sigh).gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-25508728192369257872008-06-13T10:23:00.004-04:002008-06-13T10:34:42.840-04:00SPOKEN from the other side of the "fence" Pt.2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TZNb0-4frCps9XlyLnwcwDRKfyvdgyxYHYA5bQ7iBl-g8SV5nozNVjgbehx9LwelxaniGc-mcLAM20_O56FR5xMidkq7EmOUW4Yxm4bqRYKzuBUlSmz9RU9plEU0v3iPW8TVYwHarHk/s1600-h/3Symbols1.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TZNb0-4frCps9XlyLnwcwDRKfyvdgyxYHYA5bQ7iBl-g8SV5nozNVjgbehx9LwelxaniGc-mcLAM20_O56FR5xMidkq7EmOUW4Yxm4bqRYKzuBUlSmz9RU9plEU0v3iPW8TVYwHarHk/s320/3Symbols1.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5211374183260806914" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:130%;">Somewhere in the mix of me posting my last entry I meant to stay on topic..but everybody who knows me IRL knows that when I feel passionately about something..it's not a easy feat..<br /><br />So what I wanted to share is a online article that I read that basically depicts the views of a young Muslimah who happens to also be the product of a Polygynous marriage(I was so amazed that I had to read the article like 3 times).<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Here is a small sample of what is written:<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><center><b><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-size:+2;">What Polygyny Has Given Me!</span></span></span></b><br /><b><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-size:-1;">by a daughter of polygyny</span></span></span></b></center> <span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:-1;">As a young daughter of polygyny, I wish to share with others what polygyny has brought to my life. Inshallah I can help erase some of the fears many sisters today have associated with polygyny and I hope to bring to light the many benefits that exist when polygyny is practiced the way Allah(T) instructed us to through the example of our beloved Prophet(S). I am not involved in a polygynous marriage (or even married as a matter of fact); however, I have witnessed it first hand as a child and young adult al hamdulillah.</span></span> <p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:-1;">To start off, I would like to tell a little about myself. My mother became Muslim when I was a young child. In the beginning it wasn’t very easy for me. I watched my mom go from being a very “cool”, modernized mom to a very conservative one. It started with the clothing. She went from wearing mini-skirts to longer pants, skirts and long sleeve blouses and the headscarf (hijab). Eventually she made the transition into a jilbab (overgarment), and, now Mashallah she even wears niqab. All of this didn’t happen overnight either- it took several years.</span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:-1;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" ><a href="http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_polydaughter.htm">To read the rest of this article, click on <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">THIS</span> link</a></span><br /></span></span> </p>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-31192624841392322142008-06-13T09:59:00.006-04:002008-06-13T10:22:33.547-04:00SPOKEN from the other side of the "fence"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikhLGxb2ud8fR2PmiW2VUE9EnkUWCX7Z4bYhaG1rif7Kl05dHZ95gEO9oJUH7Ma_otWJtY3u4c32r5mUDAUsE1r252DSftjTl7r32E9LI15KU06fCebuo-VmSx0culEAE1PoPlKXLR6aA/s1600-h/552430060_9bc32b14fd.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikhLGxb2ud8fR2PmiW2VUE9EnkUWCX7Z4bYhaG1rif7Kl05dHZ95gEO9oJUH7Ma_otWJtY3u4c32r5mUDAUsE1r252DSftjTl7r32E9LI15KU06fCebuo-VmSx0culEAE1PoPlKXLR6aA/s320/552430060_9bc32b14fd.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5211367060610383522" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Today is a good day!</span></span> I feel as if I have been able reach out and connect my thoughts and concerns with my future Husband(of course not without the help of you wonderful Sisters!!!!).<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">For the 1st time in a really long time</span> I am seeing his concern as per the topics that I have been addressing over and over and..(well you get my drift) and AT LAST it is working and he is working towards removing this cloud from over my head and I am so happy that I could do a cartwheel in my livingroom(if I only knew how *mental note*).<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I picked up the phone today and called 2 of my <span style="font-weight: bold;">Grandmothers</span> who happen to be <span style="font-weight: bold;">CW's</span> to one another and just basically was speaking with them briefly about my own soon-to-be CW marriage and was in need of some experienced advice as I grew up seeing them married to my Grandfather and although it wasn't always about smiles and sunshine.... overall they <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">MADE</span> it work as it's been almost <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">50 years</span> of marriage(with the exception of one of my Grandmothers who left the marriage almost 10 years ago!<br /><br />None the less they mentioned to me for me and my soon-to-be Husband to <span style="font-weight: bold;">ALWAYS</span> be open and as honest as possible with one another..one of my Grandmothers loves to quote:<br />"what is done in the dark, will always come to light", basically meaning that if you are in the midst of hiding something, it is only a matter of time before it is known to others and most importantly the one to whom you love. Well this is something that I also believe which is why I am bursting at the seams in anticipation to e-mail his Wife to let know her know my thoughts and of course to hear of hers..<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">.</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">JUST TO GIVE SOME ADDITIONAL <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">411</span></span></span>, we will be going for our license shortly(which is the practice of many Mosques/Masjids where I reside vs. just getting the ceremony preformed, not totally sure how I feel about this but as it stands..I'm kinda ok with it).<br /><br /></span></span></span><ul><li>Honesty</li><li>Communication</li><li>Support</li><li>Realism</li><li>Trying to leave as much as my naturally rooted hair in place to avoid a hair transplant<br /></li></ul>- Just was going over my daily checklist(Sigh)...gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-50729008322048737662008-06-12T07:54:00.003-04:002008-06-12T07:59:25.080-04:00SORRY..<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">if I take a bit to approve your replies</span>..<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">it is not intentional at all</span></span>...but rather I prefer to have my private time away from my family and children when typing and it does not always happen at the same time.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEXT</span>..I appreciate the comments deeply and wouldn't take such a great offense to anything written to the point that I will not publish..life isn't about lollipops and gumdrops and I get that not everybody will come down softly on me..I am thickening up my skin..lol<br /><br />Since I am still <span style="font-weight: bold;">VERY</span> new to blogging..I am not sure if I should be posting all comments sent to me as I feel that some of them are only for my eyes <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SOOOO </span>if you do not see your comment posted and want it to be..just please let me know as I do not erase any of them..just slightly hesitant.<br /><br />Overall this has proven to be a positive outlet as I found it almost impossible to enter into my community and expect such open and candid dialog.<br /><br />So once again many thanks!!gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-81928418681107278102008-06-08T12:51:00.005-04:002008-06-08T13:37:38.138-04:00Some FEARS of being a Co-Wife<span style="font-size:130%;">Not really into the whole "cheery cheerful" frame of thought today....<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:100%;">and so my entry today will be about MANY thoughts and fears that have been bouncing around in my head as of late...are YOU ready?!<br /><br /></span></span></span><ul><li>In a matter of <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">less then 7 weeks</span> I will become a Co-Wife to my Husband and I have yet to have met his Wife(which hasn't left me with the easiest of feelings), although he has explained to me time and time again his thoughts of wanting to wait until after we are wed to do the introductions to "make things easier transition wise".</li></ul><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-weight: bold;">We've come a long way in regards to expressing our fears and concerns</span>, I just need to work on not taking it as a direct diss/insult and rather just him needing/wanting to vent.</li></ul><ul><li>I have told him to <span style="font-weight: bold;">please stop</span> "<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Dumping</span>" the negatives of his marriage on me because it puts me in a awkward position and how am I to know when and if that will happen to me one day in regards to our personal affairs being shared with her.</li></ul><ul><li>I feel slighted in a way because many of his concerns he has <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOT</span> addressed with her(and yet continues to do it with me, with his excuse being that she has not met me yet) in any way, shape nor form <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255); font-weight: bold;">and yet finds it so easy to discuss terms</span> of marriage dissolution should it boil down to it in regards to division of property and finances and yet he has not outlined that in his marriage contract with his Wife...<span style="font-weight: bold;">so how does this seem fair</span>?! I simply told him that he will remain financially bound to children of him no matter if from his Wife or me as his Wife as well..I could not expect for him to pay for other costs; especially if I will be looking for another Husband should it come to that.</li></ul><ul><li>I have been putting <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 0);">almost 99.2% of my energies</span> into ensuring that we are <span style="font-weight: bold;">placing a suitable foundation in place prior to entering into our marriage</span> but there are some VERY trying times that I can't seem to shake that easily and it makes me upset... I just want for her to know me, mind you she knows of me because he told her..BUT we have not spoken~</li></ul><ul><li>Now unless we are all to live underneath one roof(<span style="font-weight: bold;">which I do not see happening anytime soon</span>); how are we to divide time?<br /></li><li><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255); font-weight: bold;">Does she get 2 weeks and I get 2 weeks with the exception of birthdays and special occasions</span>?<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">What happens when one of us wants to get pregnant</span>, how do we work being able to get him at our house(s) during those vital fertility days? And when one <span style="font-weight: bold;">of us delivers</span>; is the other to attend the hospital and offer to make meals and help out with the child(ren)?</li></ul>*e-screams*...so many thoughts to ponder..gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-4496175701260811042008-05-29T15:52:00.002-04:002008-05-29T15:54:10.357-04:00JOURNEY OF FAITH(1st Annual Islamic Conference)As-Salam Alikum daer Sisters and Brothers,<br /><br />This event will be taking place July 12th & 13th @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre(South Building)<br /><br />Speakers for this event will be:<br /><br />Dr.Bilal Phillps(Qatar)<br />Tawfique Chawdhury(AUS)<br />Abu Usamah Ath Thahabee(UK)<br />Waleed Basyouni(USA)<br />Abdul Bary Yahya(USA)<br />Said Rageah(CAN)<br />Mohammed Ibn Faqih(USA)<br />Abdur Raheem Green(UK)<br />Yahya Ibrahim(AUS)<br />Sh. Salah As Sawee(tentative)<br />Abu Suhaib Bassaam(Jordan)<br />And many more...<br /><br />Special Guest will be the world famous Qari Sh. Mishari Rashid Al-Afasy(tentative)<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tickets will be on sale for $30/person</span> and family discounts will be made available.<br />-The <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">ticket price will increase by $10 after June 20th</span>..so if you will be going..get on this ASAP!!!<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"># 647.833.8510</span></span><br />info@journeyconference.com<br /><br /><a href="http://www.journeyconference.com">www.journeyconference.com</a>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-38555442340387295082008-05-26T12:21:00.000-04:002008-05-26T12:24:28.427-04:00Just a comment/thought that I wanted to share<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ENJOY YOUR LIFE TODAY BECAUSE YESTERDAY HAD ALREADY GONE AND TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME</span> (author unknown)</span><br /></div><br />- As simple as these words are; they speak in unison as to how I am feeling in regards to my choices made in my life and upcoming marriage and just wanted to share.gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-12291939073247360412008-05-26T10:46:00.001-04:002008-05-26T12:41:29.120-04:00Polygynous BlessingsWOW, I cannot believe how lucky I have become in regards to informing myself and finding <span style="font-weight: bold;">others who have experienced a more positive experience via Polygyny</span>!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I must admit</span> at first I was very discouraged when reading all of the posted opinions found on various websites because as much as I respected their P.O.V's, a good percentage seemed to be of a negative standpoint and I guess I was/am more <span style="font-weight: bold;">looking for somewhat of a balance</span> of both the good and not so good.<br /><br />Not sure where I found this Sisters Blog website initially; I do feel it was from a e-group that I joined on the net,<span style="font-weight: bold;"> her username</span> was similar and <span style="font-weight: bold;">peaked my interest</span> and so therefore I proceeded to learn more about her and why she kept such a positive outlook re: Polygyny(and to be honest I am still reading up about her and her experience <span style="font-weight: bold;">BUT</span> I just <span style="font-weight: bold;">HAD</span> to write this entry to share with others).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT9NWvu-s-m8JTex7lYbKgBZ3fIQfEJ-Qg9EJSCU7Z3cvB69QBEKaMPZvmPpxc9WH2I6kbaGq-W58igw6P3d5xTGTHoN65PQ8OBEGhxO2-vNj0VY6bx5wFPVILEbnb6PLpXALJ-a2Gz60/s1600-h/2278812209_d8a5bac5c4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT9NWvu-s-m8JTex7lYbKgBZ3fIQfEJ-Qg9EJSCU7Z3cvB69QBEKaMPZvmPpxc9WH2I6kbaGq-W58igw6P3d5xTGTHoN65PQ8OBEGhxO2-vNj0VY6bx5wFPVILEbnb6PLpXALJ-a2Gz60/s320/2278812209_d8a5bac5c4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5204710005881479554" border="0" /></a>The Sister and Author is named <span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Aneesa Azeez</span>, the book is titled "<a style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://stores.lulu.com/poly_blessings">POLYGYNOUS BLESSINGS</a>" and she has put into (published) words something that many of us Sisters also feel(and I am sayin this solely from reading the preface, thats amazing).<br /><br />Personally <span style="font-weight: bold;">I am looking forward to placing my order</span> and reading this book not only to myself but also to my Husband-to-be to add and also aide to our discussions about the subject.<br />-(Please note that you can click on the <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255); font-weight: bold;">blue</span> link above to purchase either the e-book or hardcover edition of this book).<br /><br />Honestly I wish there was some sort of website/chatroom where I could freely converse with fellow Sisters on a more frequent basis, but for now this will do and I remain thankful...but in case YOU are reading this and know of some more websites that are worthy then by all means send them my way and I will be sure to research and look into it ASAP!<br /><br />If anybody(sisters and brothers alike) has read this book please comment on my blog entry and share your opinions as I am looking forward to reading your responses.gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-72565273446647050462008-05-25T18:21:00.002-04:002008-05-26T13:11:07.572-04:00POSITIVE(experiences via) POLYGYNY<span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">When reading my subject header for my Blog entry</span> it almost read like a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxymoron">oxymoron</a> of sorts and I had to sit back and have a small giggle to myself as at the very same time I had to somewhat reassure myself that I am still trodding on the right path.<br /><br />Allow me to leave a brief introduction as I have yet to share any details as to who I am although I will still remain somewhat anonymous until I feel like revealing myself(if that day will ever arise).<br />- I am a <span style="font-weight: bold;">30 year old</span> <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Widow</span> and Mother to <span style="font-weight: bold;">three children</span>, my late Husband preferred to basically have me under "<span style="font-style: italic;">lock & key</span>" and to be honest, I preferred for it to be that way leaving very little decisions for me to make.<br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">edited to say that it is the will of Allah(swt) for a Husband to take care of his Wife and Family, not to condone a Husband controlling every move that his Wife makes, so allow for me to remove confusion and to add clarity!</span><br /><br />He(my late Husband) had our lives planned out and provided for us in the way that a good Husband should and which is <span style="font-weight: bold;">outlined</span> by Allah(swt).<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">One of my Grandfathers is Muslim</span>(oh, I neglected to mention that my family is <a href="http://www.answers.com/interfaith&r=67">interfaithed</a>)and also embraced his Islamic right as a Man to have more then one Wife; so the whole entire idea of Co-Wives weren't entirely foreign to me and yet weren't explored enough to be honest as I always took for granted my multiple Grandmothers presence throughout my upbringing and I guess since I saw them all co-habitat with one another I never sensed the marital arrangements as being outside of the "norm".<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3NesArM73AQZqzSnY0xub2Vag_P3RZYKQsTvhtur4B6JS6n1ZvwqwYWsrYMKwcNU_Dr9S6-KhvgHGmGRoDB4BBxsKlbNtUj-y54U2H7BSLPdMMz8_n4D7mITlxgSEtc5GQDlBRGGvh2Q/s1600-h/ff.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3NesArM73AQZqzSnY0xub2Vag_P3RZYKQsTvhtur4B6JS6n1ZvwqwYWsrYMKwcNU_Dr9S6-KhvgHGmGRoDB4BBxsKlbNtUj-y54U2H7BSLPdMMz8_n4D7mITlxgSEtc5GQDlBRGGvh2Q/s320/ff.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5204473671011049842" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >FAST FORWARD</span> to almost 3 years ago when I first "met" my soon-to-be Husband, he was very timid, respectful and careful as per him getting to know me somewhat and to approach me when asking to be his Wife. We spent a couple of years getting to know one another via letters and more letters, I felt and still do feel that this was the best plan for us(not necessarily for others, but then again this is about me right?!).<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">We both tried our best</span> to remain honest and open with one another because our friendship meant a lot to one another and we didn't want to taint it with untruths; so when I was informed that he had taken a Wife to himself I had mixed feelings...yes, she became his Wife before I had any inkling as to his existence, but deep down I was wary of my emotional reserves and so I turned to the knowledgeable wisdom of my Grandfather in regards to the possibility of me becoming a Co-Wife and if my Grandfather was in approval of this possibility; he was supportive of such and gave me his blessing prior to his untimely death.. on the premise that my future Husband would be able to emotionally, psychologically, financially and psychically take care of me as his future Wife.<br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:courier new;" ><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">BACK TO WHAT I WHERE I WAS PRIOR TO..</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br />So as I was saying; the thought of <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">being a Wife to a Man who already has a Wife</span> and could possibly have others after me wasn't a thought/concept that I came to a conclusion about overnight, it involved thorough questioning of myself and both of our intentions not to mention that I am a Mother of 3 children and I had to consider their emotions/feelings whilst considering such a proposal.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Thoughts entered my mind</span> ranging from "is this the right decision for me to make" to "will he be able to provide for both of his Wives as is outlined by Allah(swt)", "will he speak to his Wife about me in advance and will we both be given the opportunity to speak with one another Woman-to-Woman", not to mention that children are involved and as innocent as they are they are in need of being protected and so we both took our time which is clearly stated that we should have avoided drawing out the "<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-style: italic;">whole getting to know you</span>" process because as the time progressed..my feelings for my future Husband grew strong and such feelings were reciprocated and so we both came to the conclusion that we <span style="font-weight: bold;">MUST</span> move forward to Marriage as soon as possible.<br />During the period of time that we got to know one another, it was announced to me that <span style="font-style: italic;">he was to become a Father</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">to be honest</span> hearing that news <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">broke my heart in two</span>, not saying that it wasn't the right/duty of his Wife to bear his child..but deep down inside I wished that he made a honest Woman of me during the beginning of us getting to know one another so that I could have felt as if I was standing on firmer ground and could perhaps extend my hand to help her during the pregnancy and healing period and spend that time to get to know her and of course vice-versa, but *sigh* that simply wasn't the case and part of me regrets the extended time which has elapsed when such thoughts come to mind.<br /><br />I know that I am a good Woman and appreciate and acknowledge my self-worth, I ensured that I completed my post-secondary education should my children have to solely depend upon me. I work in the Entertainment Industry and have said goodbye to the industry, about 98% of my friends, my once flourishing social life; due to how loyal my ties are when it comes down to marriage and yet I feel as if I am making more sacrifices then that of my Husband-to-be.<br />Don't get me wrong, he is a kind-spirited Man who has almost gone above and beyond to establish a sense of security and I appreciate that and yet I still remain the Woman whom he plans to marry and not yet his Wife(although as of late it has been my fault in which we have not become married yet which would lead to another Blog entry completely).<br /><br />I guess it was the <span style="font-weight: bold;">various thoughts and emotions</span> regarding me becoming a Co-Wife which led me to visiting the Google search engine and in turn which led me to this website and to read other Wives who were <span style="font-weight: bold;">tied to Polygyny-type Marriages</span>; in which I am grateful for modern technology which has enabled me to read the thoughts and concerns of others before me and also provides me with a "medium" in which I can vent away and also ask questions and receive criticism as others see fit.<br /><br />As Day#2 approaches of venting and expressing on my newly created Blog, I welcome all to leave me a comment or 2 (smiles).<br /><br />Blessings.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-82363658209914333432008-05-24T15:48:00.001-04:002008-05-26T12:40:42.296-04:00Polygamy vs. Polygyny<strong>As-salaamu Alaikum my sisters and brothers,<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: normal;">Now I am no fool when it comes down to these 2 topics/conversation starters; I am <span style="font-weight: bold;">VERY</span> aware of how sensitive of a topic/subject this truly is..<span style="font-weight: bold;">BUT</span> it needs to be addressed as per how Allah(swt) wished for us to view it and not how many of us view it from a emotional and psychological standpoint.</span><br /><br />From approx. 1591; the word "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Polygamy</span>" has been coined to describe marriages in which the Man has more then one wife yielding a host of children as a direct result of the multiple wives. No matter how many times I read and hear my brothers and sisters use the term it makes me want to cringe, we(those in Islam who have either chosen co-wives or have been chosen as a co-wife) are not practicing Polygamy as furthermore the definition states the following:<br /><br /></strong><span class="sense_break"><span class="sense_label start">1</span> <span class="sense_content"><strong>:</strong> marriage in which a spouse <span style="font-weight: bold;">of either sex</span> may have more than one mate at the same time</span></span><br /><strong><br /><br />- How in the world are we continuing to use such a word when it clearly misrepresents that in which Allah(swt) permits of our Husbands(and Husbands to-be). Approx. 200 years later the correct and/or more fitting term was created to be used is <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Polygyny</span>; which is defined as the following:<br /><br /></strong><span class="sense_content"><strong style="font-weight: normal;">1.</strong> :the state or practice of having more than one wife or female mate at a time<br /><br /><br />Sisters and Brothers alike, lets do our best to always remain informed when choosing to use and apply certain labels to ourselves or fellow Sisters and Brothers<br /></span>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8614159802751202015.post-22495166517581108232008-05-24T15:45:00.000-04:002008-05-24T15:47:24.756-04:00Kindly note…<div class="snap_preview"><p><strong>As-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">salaamu</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Alaikum</span> my sisters and brothers,</strong></p> <p><strong></strong>As much as this is a world free to express thoughts and/or views, do take note that this is my personal area on the world wide web and I would like for all who chooses to read and comment to be respectful of my entries. I am not opposed to criticism as long as it is in the constructive form of such.</p> <p>I am also <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);"><strong>VERY</strong></span> interested to communicate with others who are in similar situations involving Co-Wives.</p> <p>I’m very gr8<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ful</span> to be placed in such a position to be connected with others and hopefully to learn from them as well.</p> <p>All praises due to Allah(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">swt</span>).</p> </div>gr8fultohimswthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.com2