SPOKEN from the other side of the "fence"

Today is a good day! I feel as if I have been able reach out and connect my thoughts and concerns with my future Husband(of course not without the help of you wonderful Sisters!!!!).

For the 1st time in a really long time I am seeing his concern as per the topics that I have been addressing over and over and..(well you get my drift) and AT LAST it is working and he is working towards removing this cloud from over my head and I am so happy that I could do a cartwheel in my livingroom(if I only knew how *mental note*).

I picked up the phone today and called 2 of my Grandmothers who happen to be CW's to one another and just basically was speaking with them briefly about my own soon-to-be CW marriage and was in need of some experienced advice as I grew up seeing them married to my Grandfather and although it wasn't always about smiles and sunshine.... overall they MADE it work as it's been almost 50 years of marriage(with the exception of one of my Grandmothers who left the marriage almost 10 years ago!

None the less they mentioned to me for me and my soon-to-be Husband to ALWAYS be open and as honest as possible with one another..one of my Grandmothers loves to quote:
"what is done in the dark, will always come to light", basically meaning that if you are in the midst of hiding something, it is only a matter of time before it is known to others and most importantly the one to whom you love. Well this is something that I also believe which is why I am bursting at the seams in anticipation to e-mail his Wife to let know her know my thoughts and of course to hear of hers...JUST TO GIVE SOME ADDITIONAL 411, we will be going for our license shortly(which is the practice of many Mosques/Masjids where I reside vs. just getting the ceremony preformed, not totally sure how I feel about this but as it stands..I'm kinda ok with it).

• Honesty
• Communication
• Support
• Realism
• Trying to leave as much as my naturally rooted hair in place to avoid a hair transplant
  

- Just was going over my daily checklist(Sigh)...

SORRY

..if I take a bit to approve your replies..it is not intentional at all...but rather I prefer to have my private time away from my family and children when typing and it does not always happen at the same time.

NEXT..I appreciate the comments deeply and wouldn't take such a great offense to anything written to the point that I will not publish..life isn't about lollipops and gumdrops and I get that not everybody will come down softly on me..I am thickening up my skin..lol

Since I am still VERY new to blogging..I am not sure if I should be posting all comments sent to me as I feel that some of them are only for my eyes SOOOO if you do not see your comment posted and want it to be..just please let me know as I do not erase any of them..just slightly hesitant.

Overall this has proven to be a positive outlet as I found it almost impossible to enter into my community and expect such open and candid dialog.

So once again many thanks!!

Some FEARS of being a Co-Wife

Not really into the whole "cheery cheerful" frame of thought today....and so my entry today will be about MANY thoughts and fears that have been bouncing around in my head as of late...are YOU ready?!

• In a matter of less then 7 weeks I will become a Co-Wife to my Husband and I have yet to have met his Wife(which hasn't left me with the easiest of feelings), although he has explained to me time and time again his thoughts of wanting to wait until after we are wed to do the introductions to "make things easier transition wise".

• We've come a long way in regards to expressing our fears and concerns, I just need to work on not taking it as a direct diss/insult and rather just him needing/wanting to vent.

• I have told him to please stop "Dumping" the negatives of his marriage on me because it puts me in a awkward position and how am I to know when and if that will happen to me one day in regards to our personal affairs being shared with her.

• I feel slighted in a way because many of his concerns he has NOT addressed with her(and yet continues to do it with me, with his excuse being that she has not met me yet) in any way, shape nor form and yet finds it so easy to discuss terms of marriage dissolution should it boil down to it in regards to division of property and finances and yet he has not outlined that in his marriage contract with his Wife...so how does this seem fair?! I simply told him that he will remain financially bound to children of him no matter if from his Wife or me as his Wife as well..I could not expect for him to pay for other costs; especially if I will be looking for another Husband should it come to that.

• I have been putting almost 99.2% of my energies into ensuring that we are placing a suitable foundation in place prior to entering into our marriage but there are some VERY trying times that I can't seem to shake that easily and it makes me upset... I just want for her to know me, mind you she knows of me because he told her..BUT we have not spoken~

• Now unless we are all to live underneath one roof(which I do not see happening anytime soon); how are we to divide time?
  
• Does she get 2 weeks and I get 2 weeks with the exception of birthdays and special occasions?
  
• What happens when one of us wants to get pregnant, how do we work being able to get him at our house(s) during those vital fertility days? And when one of us delivers; is the other to attend the hospital and offer to make meals and help out with the child(ren)?

*e-screams*...so many thoughts to ponder..

JOURNEY OF FAITH(1st Annual Islamic Conference)

As-Salam Alikum daer Sisters and Brothers,

This event will be taking place July 12th & 13th @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre(South Building)

Speakers for this event will be:

Dr.Bilal Phillps(Qatar)
Tawfique Chawdhury(AUS)
Abu Usamah Ath Thahabee(UK)
Waleed Basyouni(USA)
Abdul Bary Yahya(USA)
Said Rageah(CAN)
Mohammed Ibn Faqih(USA)
Abdur Raheem Green(UK)
Yahya Ibrahim(AUS)
Sh. Salah As Sawee(tentative)
Abu Suhaib Bassaam(Jordan)
And many more...

Special Guest will be the world famous Qari Sh. Mishari Rashid Al-Afasy(tentative)

Tickets will be on sale for $30/person and family discounts will be made available.
-The ticket price will increase by $10 after June 20th..so if you will be going..get on this ASAP!!!

# 647.833.8510
info@journeyconference.com

www.journeyconference.com

Just a comment/thought that I wanted to share

ENJOY YOUR LIFE TODAY BECAUSE YESTERDAY HAD ALREADY GONE AND TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME (author unknown)

- As simple as these words are; they speak in unison as to how I am feeling in regards to my choices made in my life and upcoming marriage and just wanted to share.

Polygynous Blessings

WOW, I cannot believe how lucky I have become in regards to informing myself and finding others who have experienced a more positive experience via Polygyny!!

I must admit at first I was very discouraged when reading all of the posted opinions found on various websites because as much as I respected their P.O.V's, a good percentage seemed to be of a negative standpoint and I guess I was/am more looking for somewhat of a balance of both the good and not so good.

Not sure where I found this Sisters Blog website initially; I do feel it was from a e-group that I joined on the net, her username was similar and peaked my interest and so therefore I proceeded to learn more about her and why she kept such a positive outlook re: Polygyny(and to be honest I am still reading up about her and her experience BUT I just HAD to write this entry to share with others).

The Sister and Author is named Aneesa Azeez, the book is titled "POLYGYNOUS BLESSINGS" and she has put into (published) words something that many of us Sisters also feel(and I am sayin this solely from reading the preface, thats amazing).

Personally I am looking forward to placing my order and reading this book not only to myself but also to my Husband-to-be to add and also aide to our discussions about the subject.
-(Please note that you can click on the blue link above to purchase either the e-book or hardcover edition of this book).

Honestly I wish there was some sort of website/chatroom where I could freely converse with fellow Sisters on a more frequent basis, but for now this will do and I remain thankful...but in case YOU are reading this and know of some more websites that are worthy then by all means send them my way and I will be sure to research and look into it ASAP!

If anybody(sisters and brothers alike) has read this book please comment on my blog entry and share your opinions as I am looking forward to reading your responses.

POSITIVE(experiences via) POLYGYNY

When reading my subject header for my Blog entry it almost read like a oxymoron of sorts and I had to sit back and have a small giggle to myself as at the very same time I had to somewhat reassure myself that I am still trodding on the right path.

Allow me to leave a brief introduction as I have yet to share any details as to who I am although I will still remain somewhat anonymous until I feel like revealing myself(if that day will ever arise).
- I am a 30 year old Widow and Mother to three children, my late Husband preferred to basically have me under "lock & key" and to be honest, I preferred for it to be that way leaving very little decisions for me to make.
*edited to say that it is the will of Allah(swt) for a Husband to take care of his Wife and Family, not to condone a Husband controlling every move that his Wife makes, so allow for me to remove confusion and to add clarity!

He(my late Husband) had our lives planned out and provided for us in the way that a good Husband should and which is outlined by Allah(swt).
One of my Grandfathers is Muslim(oh, I neglected to mention that my family is interfaithed)and also embraced his Islamic right as a Man to have more then one Wife; so the whole entire idea of Co-Wives weren't entirely foreign to me and yet weren't explored enough to be honest as I always took for granted my multiple Grandmothers presence throughout my upbringing and I guess since I saw them all co-habitat with one another I never sensed the marital arrangements as being outside of the "norm".



FAST FORWARD to almost 3 years ago when I first "met" my soon-to-be Husband, he was very timid, respectful and careful as per him getting to know me somewhat and to approach me when asking to be his Wife. We spent a couple of years getting to know one another via letters and more letters, I felt and still do feel that this was the best plan for us(not necessarily for others, but then again this is about me right?!).
We both tried our best to remain honest and open with one another because our friendship meant a lot to one another and we didn't want to taint it with untruths; so when I was informed that he had taken a Wife to himself I had mixed feelings...yes, she became his Wife before I had any inkling as to his existence, but deep down I was wary of my emotional reserves and so I turned to the knowledgeable wisdom of my Grandfather in regards to the possibility of me becoming a Co-Wife and if my Grandfather was in approval of this possibility; he was supportive of such and gave me his blessing prior to his untimely death.. on the premise that my future Husband would be able to emotionally, psychologically, financially and psychically take care of me as his future Wife.

BACK TO WHAT I WHERE I WAS PRIOR TO..

So as I was saying; the thought of being a Wife to a Man who already has a Wife and could possibly have others after me wasn't a thought/concept that I came to a conclusion about overnight, it involved thorough questioning of myself and both of our intentions not to mention that I am a Mother of 3 children and I had to consider their emotions/feelings whilst considering such a proposal.

Thoughts entered my mind ranging from "is this the right decision for me to make" to "will he be able to provide for both of his Wives as is outlined by Allah(swt)", "will he speak to his Wife about me in advance and will we both be given the opportunity to speak with one another Woman-to-Woman", not to mention that children are involved and as innocent as they are they are in need of being protected and so we both took our time which is clearly stated that we should have avoided drawing out the "whole getting to know you" process because as the time progressed..my feelings for my future Husband grew strong and such feelings were reciprocated and so we both came to the conclusion that we MUST move forward to Marriage as soon as possible.
During the period of time that we got to know one another, it was announced to me that he was to become a Father and to be honest hearing that news broke my heart in two, not saying that it wasn't the right/duty of his Wife to bear his child..but deep down inside I wished that he made a honest Woman of me during the beginning of us getting to know one another so that I could have felt as if I was standing on firmer ground and could perhaps extend my hand to help her during the pregnancy and healing period and spend that time to get to know her and of course vice-versa, but *sigh* that simply wasn't the case and part of me regrets the extended time which has elapsed when such thoughts come to mind.

I know that I am a good Woman and appreciate and acknowledge my self-worth, I ensured that I completed my post-secondary education should my children have to solely depend upon me. I work in the Entertainment Industry and have said goodbye to the industry, about 98% of my friends, my once flourishing social life; due to how loyal my ties are when it comes down to marriage and yet I feel as if I am making more sacrifices then that of my Husband-to-be.
Don't get me wrong, he is a kind-spirited Man who has almost gone above and beyond to establish a sense of security and I appreciate that and yet I still remain the Woman whom he plans to marry and not yet his Wife(although as of late it has been my fault in which we have not become married yet which would lead to another Blog entry completely).

I guess it was the various thoughts and emotions regarding me becoming a Co-Wife which led me to visiting the Google search engine and in turn which led me to this website and to read other Wives who were tied to Polygyny-type Marriages; in which I am grateful for modern technology which has enabled me to read the thoughts and concerns of others before me and also provides me with a "medium" in which I can vent away and also ask questions and receive criticism as others see fit.

As Day#2 approaches of venting and expressing on my newly created Blog, I welcome all to leave me a comment or 2 (smiles).

Blessings.