Thursday, May 29, 2008
This event will be taking place July 12th & 13th @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre(South Building)
Speakers for this event will be:
Abu Usamah Ath Thahabee(UK)
Abdul Bary Yahya(USA)
Mohammed Ibn Faqih(USA)
Abdur Raheem Green(UK)
Sh. Salah As Sawee(tentative)
Abu Suhaib Bassaam(Jordan)
And many more...
Special Guest will be the world famous Qari Sh. Mishari Rashid Al-Afasy(tentative)
Tickets will be on sale for $30/person and family discounts will be made available.
-The ticket price will increase by $10 after June 20th..so if you will be going..get on this ASAP!!!
Monday, May 26, 2008
- As simple as these words are; they speak in unison as to how I am feeling in regards to my choices made in my life and upcoming marriage and just wanted to share.
I must admit at first I was very discouraged when reading all of the posted opinions found on various websites because as much as I respected their P.O.V's, a good percentage seemed to be of a negative standpoint and I guess I was/am more looking for somewhat of a balance of both the good and not so good.
Not sure where I found this Sisters Blog website initially; I do feel it was from a e-group that I joined on the net, her username was similar and peaked my interest and so therefore I proceeded to learn more about her and why she kept such a positive outlook re: Polygyny(and to be honest I am still reading up about her and her experience BUT I just HAD to write this entry to share with others).
The Sister and Author is named Aneesa Azeez, the book is titled "POLYGYNOUS BLESSINGS" and she has put into (published) words something that many of us Sisters also feel(and I am sayin this solely from reading the preface, thats amazing).
Personally I am looking forward to placing my order and reading this book not only to myself but also to my Husband-to-be to add and also aide to our discussions about the subject.
-(Please note that you can click on the blue link above to purchase either the e-book or hardcover edition of this book).
Honestly I wish there was some sort of website/chatroom where I could freely converse with fellow Sisters on a more frequent basis, but for now this will do and I remain thankful...but in case YOU are reading this and know of some more websites that are worthy then by all means send them my way and I will be sure to research and look into it ASAP!
If anybody(sisters and brothers alike) has read this book please comment on my blog entry and share your opinions as I am looking forward to reading your responses.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Allow me to leave a brief introduction as I have yet to share any details as to who I am although I will still remain somewhat anonymous until I feel like revealing myself(if that day will ever arise).
- I am a 30 year old Widow and Mother to three children, my late Husband preferred to basically have me under "lock & key" and to be honest, I preferred for it to be that way leaving very little decisions for me to make.
*edited to say that it is the will of Allah(swt) for a Husband to take care of his Wife and Family, not to condone a Husband controlling every move that his Wife makes, so allow for me to remove confusion and to add clarity!
He(my late Husband) had our lives planned out and provided for us in the way that a good Husband should and which is outlined by Allah(swt).
One of my Grandfathers is Muslim(oh, I neglected to mention that my family is interfaithed)and also embraced his Islamic right as a Man to have more then one Wife; so the whole entire idea of Co-Wives weren't entirely foreign to me and yet weren't explored enough to be honest as I always took for granted my multiple Grandmothers presence throughout my upbringing and I guess since I saw them all co-habitat with one another I never sensed the marital arrangements as being outside of the "norm".
FAST FORWARD to almost 3 years ago when I first "met" my soon-to-be Husband, he was very timid, respectful and careful as per him getting to know me somewhat and to approach me when asking to be his Wife. We spent a couple of years getting to know one another via letters and more letters, I felt and still do feel that this was the best plan for us(not necessarily for others, but then again this is about me right?!).
We both tried our best to remain honest and open with one another because our friendship meant a lot to one another and we didn't want to taint it with untruths; so when I was informed that he had taken a Wife to himself I had mixed feelings...yes, she became his Wife before I had any inkling as to his existence, but deep down I was wary of my emotional reserves and so I turned to the knowledgeable wisdom of my Grandfather in regards to the possibility of me becoming a Co-Wife and if my Grandfather was in approval of this possibility; he was supportive of such and gave me his blessing prior to his untimely death.. on the premise that my future Husband would be able to emotionally, psychologically, financially and psychically take care of me as his future Wife.
So as I was saying; the thought of being a Wife to a Man who already has a Wife and could possibly have others after me wasn't a thought/concept that I came to a conclusion about overnight, it involved thorough questioning of myself and both of our intentions not to mention that I am a Mother of 3 children and I had to consider their emotions/feelings whilst considering such a proposal.
Thoughts entered my mind ranging from "is this the right decision for me to make" to "will he be able to provide for both of his Wives as is outlined by Allah(swt)", "will he speak to his Wife about me in advance and will we both be given the opportunity to speak with one another Woman-to-Woman", not to mention that children are involved and as innocent as they are they are in need of being protected and so we both took our time which is clearly stated that we should have avoided drawing out the "whole getting to know you" process because as the time progressed..my feelings for my future Husband grew strong and such feelings were reciprocated and so we both came to the conclusion that we MUST move forward to Marriage as soon as possible.
During the period of time that we got to know one another, it was announced to me that he was to become a Father and to be honest hearing that news broke my heart in two, not saying that it wasn't the right/duty of his Wife to bear his child..but deep down inside I wished that he made a honest Woman of me during the beginning of us getting to know one another so that I could have felt as if I was standing on firmer ground and could perhaps extend my hand to help her during the pregnancy and healing period and spend that time to get to know her and of course vice-versa, but *sigh* that simply wasn't the case and part of me regrets the extended time which has elapsed when such thoughts come to mind.
I know that I am a good Woman and appreciate and acknowledge my self-worth, I ensured that I completed my post-secondary education should my children have to solely depend upon me. I work in the Entertainment Industry and have said goodbye to the industry, about 98% of my friends, my once flourishing social life; due to how loyal my ties are when it comes down to marriage and yet I feel as if I am making more sacrifices then that of my Husband-to-be.
Don't get me wrong, he is a kind-spirited Man who has almost gone above and beyond to establish a sense of security and I appreciate that and yet I still remain the Woman whom he plans to marry and not yet his Wife(although as of late it has been my fault in which we have not become married yet which would lead to another Blog entry completely).
I guess it was the various thoughts and emotions regarding me becoming a Co-Wife which led me to visiting the Google search engine and in turn which led me to this website and to read other Wives who were tied to Polygyny-type Marriages; in which I am grateful for modern technology which has enabled me to read the thoughts and concerns of others before me and also provides me with a "medium" in which I can vent away and also ask questions and receive criticism as others see fit.
As Day#2 approaches of venting and expressing on my newly created Blog, I welcome all to leave me a comment or 2 (smiles).
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Now I am no fool when it comes down to these 2 topics/conversation starters; I am VERY aware of how sensitive of a topic/subject this truly is..BUT it needs to be addressed as per how Allah(swt) wished for us to view it and not how many of us view it from a emotional and psychological standpoint.
From approx. 1591; the word "Polygamy" has been coined to describe marriages in which the Man has more then one wife yielding a host of children as a direct result of the multiple wives. No matter how many times I read and hear my brothers and sisters use the term it makes me want to cringe, we(those in Islam who have either chosen co-wives or have been chosen as a co-wife) are not practicing Polygamy as furthermore the definition states the following:
1 : marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time
- How in the world are we continuing to use such a word when it clearly misrepresents that in which Allah(swt) permits of our Husbands(and Husbands to-be). Approx. 200 years later the correct and/or more fitting term was created to be used is Polygyny; which is defined as the following:
1. :the state or practice of having more than one wife or female mate at a time
Sisters and Brothers alike, lets do our best to always remain informed when choosing to use and apply certain labels to ourselves or fellow Sisters and Brothers
As-salaamu Alaikum my sisters and brothers,
As much as this is a world free to express thoughts and/or views, do take note that this is my personal area on the world wide web and I would like for all who chooses to read and comment to be respectful of my entries. I am not opposed to criticism as long as it is in the constructive form of such.
I am also VERY interested to communicate with others who are in similar situations involving Co-Wives.
I’m very gr8ful to be placed in such a position to be connected with others and hopefully to learn from them as well.
All praises due to Allah(swt).