Friday, June 13, 2008

SPOKEN from the other side of the "fence" Pt.2

Somewhere in the mix of me posting my last entry I meant to stay on topic..but everybody who knows me IRL knows that when I feel passionately about's not a easy feat..

So what I wanted to share is a online article that I read that basically depicts the views of a young Muslimah who happens to also be the product of a Polygynous marriage(I was so amazed that I had to read the article like 3 times).

Here is a small sample of what is written:

What Polygyny Has Given Me!
by a daughter of polygyny
As a young daughter of polygyny, I wish to share with others what polygyny has brought to my life. Inshallah I can help erase some of the fears many sisters today have associated with polygyny and I hope to bring to light the many benefits that exist when polygyny is practiced the way Allah(T) instructed us to through the example of our beloved Prophet(S). I am not involved in a polygynous marriage (or even married as a matter of fact); however, I have witnessed it first hand as a child and young adult al hamdulillah.

To start off, I would like to tell a little about myself. My mother became Muslim when I was a young child. In the beginning it wasn’t very easy for me. I watched my mom go from being a very “cool”, modernized mom to a very conservative one. It started with the clothing. She went from wearing mini-skirts to longer pants, skirts and long sleeve blouses and the headscarf (hijab). Eventually she made the transition into a jilbab (overgarment), and, now Mashallah she even wears niqab. All of this didn’t happen overnight either- it took several years.

To read the rest of this article, click on THIS link

SPOKEN from the other side of the "fence"

Today is a good day! I feel as if I have been able reach out and connect my thoughts and concerns with my future Husband(of course not without the help of you wonderful Sisters!!!!).

For the 1st time in a really long time I am seeing his concern as per the topics that I have been addressing over and over and..(well you get my drift) and AT LAST it is working and he is working towards removing this cloud from over my head and I am so happy that I could do a cartwheel in my livingroom(if I only knew how *mental note*).

I picked up the phone today and called 2 of my Grandmothers who happen to be CW's to one another and just basically was speaking with them briefly about my own soon-to-be CW marriage and was in need of some experienced advice as I grew up seeing them married to my Grandfather and although it wasn't always about smiles and sunshine.... overall they MADE it work as it's been almost 50 years of marriage(with the exception of one of my Grandmothers who left the marriage almost 10 years ago!

None the less they mentioned to me for me and my soon-to-be Husband to ALWAYS be open and as honest as possible with one of my Grandmothers loves to quote:
"what is done in the dark, will always come to light", basically meaning that if you are in the midst of hiding something, it is only a matter of time before it is known to others and most importantly the one to whom you love. Well this is something that I also believe which is why I am bursting at the seams in anticipation to e-mail his Wife to let know her know my thoughts and of course to hear of hers...JUST TO GIVE SOME ADDITIONAL 411, we will be going for our license shortly(which is the practice of many Mosques/Masjids where I reside vs. just getting the ceremony preformed, not totally sure how I feel about this but as it stands..I'm kinda ok with it).

  • Honesty
  • Communication
  • Support
  • Realism
  • Trying to leave as much as my naturally rooted hair in place to avoid a hair transplant
- Just was going over my daily checklist(Sigh)...

Thursday, June 12, 2008


..if I take a bit to approve your is not intentional at all...but rather I prefer to have my private time away from my family and children when typing and it does not always happen at the same time.

NEXT..I appreciate the comments deeply and wouldn't take such a great offense to anything written to the point that I will not isn't about lollipops and gumdrops and I get that not everybody will come down softly on me..I am thickening up my

Since I am still VERY new to blogging..I am not sure if I should be posting all comments sent to me as I feel that some of them are only for my eyes SOOOO if you do not see your comment posted and want it to be..just please let me know as I do not erase any of them..just slightly hesitant.

Overall this has proven to be a positive outlet as I found it almost impossible to enter into my community and expect such open and candid dialog.

So once again many thanks!!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Some FEARS of being a Co-Wife

Not really into the whole "cheery cheerful" frame of thought today....and so my entry today will be about MANY thoughts and fears that have been bouncing around in my head as of late...are YOU ready?!

  • In a matter of less then 7 weeks I will become a Co-Wife to my Husband and I have yet to have met his Wife(which hasn't left me with the easiest of feelings), although he has explained to me time and time again his thoughts of wanting to wait until after we are wed to do the introductions to "make things easier transition wise".
  • We've come a long way in regards to expressing our fears and concerns, I just need to work on not taking it as a direct diss/insult and rather just him needing/wanting to vent.
  • I have told him to please stop "Dumping" the negatives of his marriage on me because it puts me in a awkward position and how am I to know when and if that will happen to me one day in regards to our personal affairs being shared with her.
  • I feel slighted in a way because many of his concerns he has NOT addressed with her(and yet continues to do it with me, with his excuse being that she has not met me yet) in any way, shape nor form and yet finds it so easy to discuss terms of marriage dissolution should it boil down to it in regards to division of property and finances and yet he has not outlined that in his marriage contract with his how does this seem fair?! I simply told him that he will remain financially bound to children of him no matter if from his Wife or me as his Wife as well..I could not expect for him to pay for other costs; especially if I will be looking for another Husband should it come to that.
  • I have been putting almost 99.2% of my energies into ensuring that we are placing a suitable foundation in place prior to entering into our marriage but there are some VERY trying times that I can't seem to shake that easily and it makes me upset... I just want for her to know me, mind you she knows of me because he told her..BUT we have not spoken~
  • Now unless we are all to live underneath one roof(which I do not see happening anytime soon); how are we to divide time?
  • Does she get 2 weeks and I get 2 weeks with the exception of birthdays and special occasions?
  • What happens when one of us wants to get pregnant, how do we work being able to get him at our house(s) during those vital fertility days? And when one of us delivers; is the other to attend the hospital and offer to make meals and help out with the child(ren)?
*e-screams* many thoughts to ponder..